This one is for Megan

Yesterday was my 26^th birthday. On one hand I feel like I have the usual responses, moaning and groaning about getting older and life passing me by. On the other hand (the cancer one) I am very happy that I get the chance to get older every day and celebrate birthday’s cancer free. Pretty awesome feeling. 

I had a great birthday. I spent Friday night out with our friends having sushi – only my favorite food.  Saturday with my hubby’s family and Sunday with mine. I have so much love around me and I really have learned to appreciate the time I get with everyone.  I was super spoiled so went out today to spend some money on new lulu clothes and Toms. Like I said, it was a great birthday. 

2.5 weeks ago I had my final fill. No more visits until my next surgery in January (still waiting for my date – I will post it once I hear.) It was a tough fill – I had a lot of pain, up and down my torso. From my hips all the way up to my shoulders. I still have a pain when sleeping. The implants are so heavy now that if I lay on my side or on my stomach and try to get up – the weight pulls on the muscle and causes a lot of burning pain. I have a feeling this won’t go away until I get the smaller, permanent implants put in. It’s annoying and I’m figuring out how to work around it but can’t wait until they are gone. Stupid things. 

Left                          Right

180ml              120ml < Time of surgery

240ml              180ml < additional 60ml at first check up

300ml              270ml < Additional 60ml in left and 90ml in the right

360ml              360ml < Additional 60ml in the left and 90ml in the right

 
450ml              450ml <additional 90ml in both

550 ml             550 ml < additional 100ml in both

650 ml             650 ml < additional 100ml in both

So, as you can see, I know have 1.3 litres of saline on my chest. As I’m sure you can imagine my muscles and skin are at their max. I am so glad I don’t have to wait long for surgery...it would drive me crazy.

On a sad note…as a family we had to come to a devastating decision 2 weeks ago. We had noticed our 13.5 year old golden retriever, Megan, had started to limp about a month and a half ago. We did some x-rays we were told she was suffering from some kind of bone cancer. After a few weeks of pain and trying to find some kind of relief through multiple drugs we realized she was suffering and it wasn’t fair. We had to put her to sleep 2 weeks ago today and it was so sad and so hard to go through. Our family has had enough of cancer and enough of this black cloud over our heads…we just want a break and some happy news to happen. Cancer sucks. Enough is enough. 

For anyone that ever had the chance to meet her, they know she was by far the sweetest dog. She had such an amazing gentle and  loving demeanor to her. I remember one of my friends telling me that before she met Megan she never believed dogs had souls. But Megan changed her mind and after meeting her, she truly believed they did.  I have so many memories of Meg growing up. She made such an impact on my love for animals and wanting to work with them. Even after I had long moved out of the house she would come for sleepovers and still lay on my bed all night long. I was the only person she did that to - everyone else she slept on the floor after a couple hours. My husband and her would fight over his side of the bed - I would bring her up and cuddle her. I miss her so much and would do anything to have some more time with her...

Love you Megan…see you on the other side

Cancer Scare & Happy Endings

I feel like I haven’t been doing too much since my last post. I guess working full time will do that to you.

AJ and I spent a great thanksgiving weekend with some family and friends. The Friday night we went to see the new Mormon temple in town (yep that’s our Friday night) with our friends. I learned a lot about the religion and it was great to see a beautiful temple. Once the ‘open house’ period is done at the temple the public is never allowed in again. I’m really glad we got to go and experience something that could really be once in a lifetime. Unfortunately we were a little underdressed….wearing jeans and yoga pants while everyone else wearing dress clothes was slightly embarrassing. Saturday night we had dinner at my Mom’s house (yum!!) and Sunday dinner at a friend’s. Great weekend, nice and relaxing.

I finally saw my surgeon on Thursday for an expansion. I was supposed to go last week but they pushed me back, so it ended up being 3 weeks in between expansions instead of 2. I thought this visit was going to be normal but I will get back into that in a sec. So I have finally reached my size I think. 550ml in each expander. It’s not very comfortable right now but I think this is the closest to my natural size and what I will be happiest with.

Left                          Right

 

180ml                    120ml < Time of surgery

240ml                    180ml < additional 60ml at first check up

300ml                    270ml < Additional 60ml in left and 90ml in the right

360ml                    360ml < Additional 60ml in the left and 90ml in the right

 
450ml                    450ml <additional 90ml in both

550 ml                   550 ml   < additional 100ml in both

I will have one more expansion to make the skin and tissue more pliable for the permanent implants. After that I guess it’s a waiting game until January for my replacement surgery.

So back to the scare…I have been having some pain in the lower right abdomen area. I assumed it was muscle pain (my back has been healing and getting tighter) but it has been lingering for 2 weeks. Anyone that has been through cancer knows that if it hurts after 2 weeks – see a doctor. I decided I should tell my surgeon. She felt around my stomach and right below my ribs stopped and asked if it hurt. I said no so she asked me are you a big drinker? Anyone that knows me knows I don’t drink anything. I knew right away she was asking me about my liver. For anyone that is wondering why we would worry about my liver it’s because breast cancer can metastasize to 4 places usually. Brain, lungs, bones and liver. She then explained that she could feel it and in most people you can’t. She wanted to do blood work, chest x-ray and ultrasound ASAP. My heart sunk. I felt like there is no way this is happening again. I have taken my medication every day religiously and went through all the precautionary steps. I was terrified – I know that metastatic breast cancer means treatment to extend the quality of life not the length of your life. I am not ready. I have so many plans and so many years to live, this was not ok. So she had her reception set up a time for x-ray and ultrasound – the next morning. She said that she didn’t think it was anything but muscle pain but because she was a cancer doctor and my liver was bigger than a normal person it needed to be looked into. I have been told before by doctors that it wasn’t anything and not to worry…

AJ and I went to have my blood work done right away. The labs at the hospital are amazing and I highly recommend if anyone needs blood work – go there. When we got there they didn’t have one person waiting. It was great. On the requisition she had hepatitis checked off – at this point I was praying that’s what it was. That night we went to my Mom’s for dinner and to hang out. It was pretty emotional for me. I was going through a lot of emotions like I’m not ready to die and I just want the chance to be a Mom. These are things most people my age take for granted. I don’t. I cherish what my future holds and I want it so badly.

Anyways the next morning (after not sleeping at all) we headed to the ultrasound/x-ray place. I was pretty emotional because this could be the start of a downhill slide. I was lying on the table while the sonographer looked at my abdomen and I started crying. I was so nervous and I knew I had to wait all weekend (it was a Friday) before I would know.  The girl that was doing my ultrasound felt bad for me I think and we had been having good conversations about fertility etc. She said “at this point, unofficially, I don’t see anything bad in your liver.” Finally I could take a little breath of relief. It didn’t mean it was all ok but it good to hear. She finished up and said I am going to talk to the doctor that looks at the pictures and see if he can come in and give you the results so you don’t have to be a ball of nerves all weekend. This was exactly what I needed. Thank goodness I got an amazing person doing my testing. The doctor came in 10 minutes later and said all was clear. He saw nothing on my ultrasound of concern. I started crying (again) and said thank you so much. I had been so worried and anxious that when he said it all I could do was cry happy tears.

 I felt like I was given permission to live again. That sounds silly but when my doctor said your liver is big all I could think was I should stop making plans, I might have to go off work again etc. I felt like everything had to go on hold until I had my results. Now that I had some of them I could continue on with my life and my plans. I realize that I didn’t have my chest x-rays and blood work but I felt like the most dangerous thing was out of the way.

While at work today AJ got a call from my surgeon saying everything was great. My blood work, x-rays and ultrasound were all normal. Woo hoo!! Load off my shoulders. Like I said in my previous paragraph, permission to resume regular life. I thought it was pretty nice that my surgeon called my house on a Saturday, most people can’t even get a phone call for good blood work results from their family doctor on a weekday. Seriously – if anyone ever needs an oncologist/plastic surgeon let me know. She is great at what she does and amazing bed side manner.

Anyways after my first real scare since my initial diagnoses I’m feeling pretty upbeat and positive. I think we are going to have a yummy pizza tonight and celebrate. I just want to say one thing (I’m sure I say it all the time). Enjoy your life and your blessings. I see so many people complaining about their children or why they have it bad – and it might be a tough day but the blessings you have are amazing. Think, one day you could go in for an ultrasound and it could all change….

Busy Busy! Work and Breast cancer events!

I can’t believe it has been 4ish weeks since my last post. Time flies when your having fun I guess! The hubby and I have been talking about this a lot lately – how quickly time passes by. For example today I am 8 weeks out of surgery (!!!), have been out of treatment for 9 months and Christmas is only 2 and a bit months away. Seriously. Make sure you take the time to enjoy all of lifes experiences because before you know it they are gone!

Anywho…I have seen my surgeon twice since the last post. I have almost half a litre in each of my expanders now and I still haven’t decided what size I want to be. It’s really hard to decide! You would think it would be easy and all you would have to say is “B-cup” or “C-cup” but we have learned it doesn’t really work like that. It depends on your body and frame and you have to decide on the what volume you like the look of not what they actually look like (at this point). They don’t look the same at all for now and we can’t decide if this is the right amount of fluid or not. I guess I will do one more fill and see how I feel. So this is where I stand now…

Left                  Right

180ml               120ml   < Time of surgery

240ml               180ml   < additional 60ml at first check up

300ml               270ml   < Additional 60ml in left and 90ml in the right

360ml               360ml   < Additional 60ml in the left and 90ml in the right

450ml               450ml    <additional 90ml in both

As you can see I now sit at 450ml in each. It’s quite a lot of fluid. My tissue expanders are only made to hold 550ml total. Apparently though she goes over quite frequently and it doesn’t harm them…

At one of these appointments she let me know that they had booked my surgery for November 23^rd. They don’t waste anytime at all. I asked her though to post-pone my next surgery until January. That way I will be eligible to collect EI again. On a good note the seroma I had a few weeks ago seems to have disappeared and fixed itself! I am really happy it went away…it was getting kind of annoying at times.

The CIBC Run for the Cure has a survivor’s parade every year at Banker’s Hall downtown. It is kind of a kick off for the run that takes place a couple weeks after and an event to bring awareness to the event. I didn’t go last year probably because of chemo and I wasn’t going to miss this year. It was so much fun! I hung out with some of my bc friends and met some new people. I really enjoy spending time with other survivors…it’s like it’s own little club and I am proud to be part of it. We frequently talk about how we are feeling, who is seeing what doctor and all the funny things that go along with lopsided breasts. It’s nice having the time to talk to people that don’t get sick of the topic!

This parade probably had about 200 – 300 survivors at it. AMAZING!!! There was one man in the mix, which was great because a lot of people don’t realize that men can get this disease also. So everyone gets to the event, registers, gets their white cowboy hat and pink t-shirt. Then they get in a line depending on how many years they have been a survivor. I was in the 0 – 5 group and they went all the way to 15+. After everyone is ready to go, we went down the escalator and stood in a large group in the middle of the foyer. We had a few famous guests that were there to speak and brought lots of tears so everyone involved and the people watching. Afterwards we filed outside onto Stephens avenue for a mini parade. It was a great time and I can’t wait to be part of it next year.

One more (exciting) thing that happened at the parade was the Pink Ribbon Pin-Up Calendar was released. They ended up changing me to January and it looks so great! All the ladies look gorgeous and it really is a great way to raise money and bring some awareness to the scars, women’s stories and life after. Make sure to buy yours before the end of December at Safeway stores across the country!

So the day after it was time to go back to work. I have now been back for a couple weeks and it’s been pretty good. I am still fighting some fatigue and nervous about pushing my body physically as I don’t know what I can handle. Thankfully I work with some great women that are super understanding and helping me lift bags and hold animals that I don’t feel confident doing so with. Thanks ladies!

This past Sunday was the CIBC Run for the Cure. The bald picture of me on my blog profile was taken last year at the same event. It is so much fun and anyone can participate because it is only 5km. I started getting ready for this the Wednesday before. I put some little pink caps on Kali’s nails – she didn’t mind them but AJ wasn’t too impressed. That night also happened to be PALS night at the Children’s…the kids LOVED her nails. So at 7am on Sunday a bunch of us met down at Southcentre to get ready for the walk. We had wigs, tattoos, necklaces, balloons and some beautiful jackets for all the dogs (8 of them) that my Mom made herself. People were taking pictures of the dogs left right and center. I have to admit they looked pretty cute! Thanks again to all my friends and family that came out and walked with us. Next year we will plan it a bit sooner and hopefully recruit more people and have some t-shirts made!

Femininity

Most of the top part of this blog today is about my recovery and recheck with my surgeon. But the most important part of this blog is the little part near the end about women and our femininity. If you can only read one part please read that one!

My 6 weeks of recovery is almost up! I have 7 week days left off work. Kind of bitter sweet – a little worried about my ability to do my job well. Anyways let’s recap the last few weeks then we can talk about that…

Last entry I was talking about my tissue expanders and how often they would be filled, with how much etc. Well my surgeon changes her mind every time I go so it hasn’t gone exactly like what I thought it would. I saw my surgeon on Aug 27^th for another fill. She decided that she wanted to play a little catch up for my right ‘breast’ because it was lacking a little fluid compared to the left. I guess she doesn’t like to put too much into a expander with the lat muscle moving at surgery time (remember I came out of surgery with 180ml in the left one and 120ml in the right). So instead of the 100ml she said she would do last visit, she put 60 in the left and 90ml in the right. She tried to put 120ml in the right and get it even but it started to really cause a lot of discomfort so they took 30 back out. So this is the updated count on my water balloons:

Left                        Right

180ml                    120ml   < time of surgery

240ml                   180ml     < additional 60ml at first check-up

300ml                   270ml     < additional 60ml in left and 90ml in right at second check-up       

I have been asked a lot if it ‘hurts’ when they fill them. It can hurt, but its more uncomfortable then anything. It also only lasts overnight and usually by the next morning the pain is gone. Right afterwards for the remainder of the day it feels like I worked my pecs out hard then put on the tightest bra I could find (sorry guys – only the women will get it.) I have actually gone to adjust the elastic in my bra only to find I’m not wearing one, it’s just my muscles. When I’m lying in bed the night of an expansion I can get really sharp pains in my chest if I take a deep breath, she says this is normal and I assume it is because the pec is not very happy. So I take a few advil and usually wake up the next morning fine.

We discussed a few other things at the appointment such as stretching and lifting. I am very anxious to get back to normal but she put the brakes on that. Apparently the muscles won’t be healed until 6 weeks so I could do damage should I try and stretch too much. I am only allowed to stretch if it doesn’t hurt. We also talked about these weird muscle spasms I get. I notice them more and more as I become more active and healed and find myself doing new things. For the most part the pecs don’t spasm but my lat (which is now under my armpit and on my chest) will spasm away when I do things such as reach or pick up stuff. According to my surgeon, my lat still thinks it’s on my back?! So when I do an action that would normally use that muscle my brain sends it a single to work and it tries which cause the weird spasm feeling under my armpit. Apparently it will always do this a bit, but for the most part my brain will learn it is no longer where is should be and therefore can’t do what it is telling it. The thought is super weird though – they can move a muscle around your body and it still thinks it’s in its original spot!?

The last thing that happened at the appointment was the exam of my back incision. I thought everything was peachy keen back there – I come to find out I have a seroma. For those of you who don’t know what a seroma is I will explain it to the best of my ability. Basically it is a pocket of fluid that can develop in areas after surgery. Because I now have a big ‘cavity’ where my muscle used to be, fluid in my body built up there. It isn’t harmful (unless it gets infected) or painful, but it is annoying. It feels like a water bed in my back. As much surgeon described it…a third boob J. It squishes around when I put pressure on it and if it’s really full I can feel it moving while I walk. She tried to drain some of the fluid but was unsuccessful – for the most part they eventually drain on their own – although if I still have it at surgery I assume they will probably place another drain.

So I haven’t seen my surgeon since. Originally she said weekly but decided after the last fill that I should take a 2 week break and let my pecs heal a bit more. Something about wanting to get 120ml in next time. So on Monday I will see her again and hopefully I can handle that much fluid and it doesn’t hurt like last time.  

The rest of the last couple weeks hasn’t been very eventful. I got a haircut (finally), did a bunch of cleaning and celebrated Mom’s birthday! I asked her over and over what she wanted for her birthday and every time I got the same answer. For me to be healthy. Well Mom I am healthy so I got her a very cute little mother/daughter charm for our Pandora bracelets. Happy birthday!

A lot of people have been asking me how I have been feeling. So I will lay it out here. Mentally I am great. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and now I can concentrate on other parts of my life. The looming surgery date really was stressful because I didn’t know how I was going to feel after or what I would look like. With that behind me I feel ready to go forward. I have had a moment or two where I thought to myself ‘it’s kind of sad that at 25 years old I don’t have breasts.’ Those moments are usually when other young ladies are walking around flaunting their assets to everyone. But then I think of the person I am today because of what I have gone through. I am very strong and very capable at handling whatever is thrown at me. I am usually a very patient person now (not as patient as I would like to be though) and my level of empathy for other people is much higher. I think that makes me a better person than I was before. I feel less judgemental against people and more humble.

I hear about a certain mental hang up of mastectomy patients a lot. The loss of femininity. A lot of women base how feminine they are on their body and appearance. I have not lost one ounce of my femininity. I feel like a woman every day. I get up, I shower, put on makeup, do my hair and take control of my life. My breasts never made me who I was. Sure they enhanced my body (as with all women or else they would have more masculine bodies) but they never defined what kind of person I wanted to be, my goals in life or the people that loved me. I still continue to get looked at by men and it’s not because I have lop-sided boobs (well I’m sure a couple notice), but I believe it’s because I am a confident woman that has many other attractive features. I wish other woman would remember this that have to go through a horrible process. I realize that maybe it may be harder for older ladies that fed their children with their breasts and gave them life. But the great life their children have isn’t because their mom had breasts. It was because they raised them with love, laughter and morals.  If I could say anything to anyone that is struggling right now with making this decision or has already had to – you are gorgeous and strong and amazing. You were these things before when you had breasts and you will be after.

So quickly I will tell you about my physical recovery. I am, for the most part, doing great. I have some pain here and there but feel pretty good. Most of my pain is from the muscles pulling. I have a bit of discomfort underneath the breasts and all the side of my ribs. It is pretty normal I guess and again I assume the reason would be because the muscle has been moved away and is healing. This is the reason I am worried about work – I don’t think it will be an issue and I still have a couple weeks to go but having an animal kick me or wrestle could cause some pain.

Anyways I better get off and get ready for the volunteer celebration tonight at the Children’s Hospital!

Please feel free to comment if you ever want to.

2 weeks out of surgery!

Holy! I seriously can’t believe it has already been 2 weeks and I am well on my way to being healed. I will try and fill in as many details I can about surgery (now that I have gone through it) and enlighten you with details about the reconstruction (pretty cool)!

So surgery day ended up being pretty relaxing in the morning. I had to be at the hospital for 5:30am with a surgery time of 7:30am. I was in a very relaxed, peaceful state of mind going into surgery and I think that really helped me, AJ and Mom feel better. So I hung out in the pre-op area (at the Mc Caig tower) for about an hour and got changed into some super nice hospital wear (slippers included), answered some questions about my overall health and tried to find some humor in the situation. Around 6:45 we walked over to the Foothills main building to the waiting area for the OR. After some discussions with my anesthetist, surgeons and nurse I headed in at 7:45am. At the beginning of all the talks about surgery we were told it would be approx. 4 hours. It ended up being about 5.5 hours under anesthetic and 4.45 hours of actual surgery time. Some of the following surgery details you may or may not be interested in so if you generally don’t like too many details now is the time to skip to the next part.

So they started by having my breast surgeon remove my left breast. Basically removing a breast means removing everything (nipple, breast tissue) except the skin. The skin isn’t considered breast tissue because there is a layer of fat and other tissue that separate the skin from any breast tissue.  After he finished removing my left side he moved over to begin the right one. While he was doing the right one my plastic surgeon inserted a tissue expander underneath my leftover skin and pec muscle on the left side. I have started calling them water balloons because that’s kind of what they are. Basically they are deflated implants with a small metal port used for injections. I can’t tell you why is it placed under the pec muscles but it must have something to do with not enough tissue between the implant and skin otherwise. Anyways after he removed the right breast they flipped me over and began to cut out a piece of my latissimus dorsi muscle/fat/skin. They were doing this to replace some damaged tissue underneath my armpit and right breast from radiation. Scar tissue from radiation doesn’t stretch well for implants and can cause some complications so she recommended this as a best option. I find it fascinating how they do this part of the surgery. They remove and isolate the tissue from my back but keep the main blood supply under my armpit connected so it’s never  ‘removed’ from my body. Then they make a tunnel underneath my armpit to bring the tissue forward – this way my body won’t reject it and I won’t have to worry about dealing with a transplant, like I thought I would.  It’s pretty cool to think that the muscle at the front of my chest is actually from my back (and still attached!) So after moving that to the front she again added a tissue expander underneath the muscle and skin and stitched me up.  When I woke up from surgery I was obviously in a lot of pain and couldn’t figure out why I still had boobs (small yes but I had something there none the less). I came to find out later at my follow up that they started the stretching process immediately and added 180ml of saline to my left expander and 120ml to the right. Because of the extra tissue on my right they didn’t need as much saline as it doesn’t need to be stretched as much.

Recovery has been going ok. The 24 hours following surgery I was very nauseous, couldn’t hold anything down and had to contend with a urinary catheter. But after that was removed and I could start holding food down again things started getting better. Little by little I made walks around the unit and started sitting up more. It was tough at first because not only was I in obvious pain from the surgery I had 3 Jackson Pratt drains to deal with. For anyone that has never had a drain after surgery – these things are a pain in the a**. And I had 3. They are long tubes that are inserted through a small hole below your surgical site(s) that drain into a grenade type of suction bulb. Every 12 hours or when they are full you have to empty the fluid and measure it. This decides when they can come out. Generally they need to be producing below 20ml of fluid over 24 hours before they will remove them.  They sometimes cause more discomfort then anything. Where they go into your body, if move the wrong way or pull on them (they are held in by a stitch) they burn. It’s a very weird sensation but I think it would feel like a hot lighter touching your skin. Hurts like hell.  If I wanted to leave the house I had to wear a big sweater and find a way to pin them up so people couldn’t see them. At home they were pinned to my pants most of the time. When I showered I would wear the tie from my housecoat around my waist and attach them to it. I couldn’t lift my arms, couldn’t drive – nothing. It’s very frustrating. But like anything else you do what you have to do and survive. I started to get a little stir crazy (although I had lots of visitors) while they were in and did some cleaning around the house (the surgeons say not to). I felt a bit more human when I was able to do a bit of work.

So 13 days later on Monday Aug 20 I had my follow up with my plastic surgeon. I was super nervous. For anyone that remembers last surgery, the drain (I only had 1) hurt so much when my family doctor tried to take it out that I ended up at urgent care. I (accidently) kicked my doctor after an hour of trying and we both kind of gave up.  So needless to say I was pretty anxious and worked up by the time my surgeon walked in. They all came out without me feeling them at all! Apparently there are a couple different kinds of drains and she uses the ones that aren’t flared. Which means my other surgeon probably used drains that were – who would use drains that are flared!???? I felt so relieved after – it was one of the worst parts of surgery last time and with 3 this time it could have easily been a mess. So after they were out she decided that I would be fine to tolerate an expansion of the tissue expanders. She took a little handheld magnet device which located the port and left a little mark on the skin as to where the needle needed to go. She then inserts a very small needle (skin is numb so didn’t feel it) and injected 60ml into each side. I couldn’t feel it fill but definitely felt tightness at the end of the injection. Because the expanders are under the pecs it causes them to stretch which can be uncomfortable but only lasts overnight.

So now I will be going in weekly to have 100ml injected into each side every time. This process is a lot quicker then I previously thought it would be. I’m kind of excited to see the results! I will provide a count of how much saline has been injected into the expanders. Right now I have 240ml in the left one and 180ml in the right. I think (and I’m probably wrong) that I will be around 600 – 700ml of saline before she calls it quits and plans the next surgery. Maybe I should take bets on the final number? Hmm…

Last blog with my mamms!

So I have been crazy busy trying to finish up my summer before surgery!

I will start with the weekend I was supposed to go on a great camping trip with the family as a last relaxing time before surgery. We headed out on the afternoon of July 12^th with the thought that I could enjoy some golf and down time. Well that didn’t happen. We drove up to the trailer (Pat and AJ headed out a few hours before we did), Mom went inside, brought the dogs out and closed the door. First, Broc and Baxter (her male) don’t like each other at all – so a dog fight happened and Mom stuck her hand in the middle and got bit. We decided to separate them but had to grab something in the trailer first – it was locked. With the keys inside. No spares around. We had been there for 10 minutes. So we called a locksmith who drove over and thankfully was very good at picking locks and 10 seconds later we were in! Anyways so after a non-eventful evening AJ and I enjoyed a gorgeous day at the Golden Golf Course on Friday morning (I shot 89 and AJ shot 79). We also got a call from our good friends, Monica & Jason that her water had broken that morning. We had told them that if she went into labour before his Mom arrived from New Zealand we would be around for support and help with the animals. She wasn’t actually due until August 1 and we thought they were lying as a funny joke while we were out of town. After they convinced us the baby was coming we tried to figure out when we would go back. Being the first child we all assumed it would be awhile – especially considering she wasn’t having contractions. So we went to Kicking Horse ski hill to enjoy a lunch and see if we could get a peek at Boo, the bear that lives there (we did!) On our way back down the gondola Jason texted us to say she was 6cm dilated and she wasn’t going home. So we went back to camp, packed up as quickly as we could and rushed back to Calgary. At 9:06pm on July 13 Jordyn Ava Kyono-Hughes was born.  Congrats guys! Gorgeous little lady!

After that exciting weekend it was time to get ready for The Weekend To End Women’s Cancers walk. The walk is for the Alberta Cancer Foundation and the money you raise is donated to the female cancer of your choice. So obviously we choose breast and are happy to say our team (The Rack Pack) raised $13,010. Nice job ladies! So this weekend consist of 2 days of walking. Day 1 is 33km and day 2 about 27km. With Mom on her poor sore planter fasciitis foot, Quinn being an all-star and myself complaining about everything (seriously how did I make it through chemo) we completed the whole 60km with a lot of tears and a lot of supporters there to greet us! It was a wonderful weekend with the girls and too great to see how strong we all can be when we do it together J. We also found a new friend that had nobody to walk with – Cynthia is an amazing young lady (a horticulturist) and we had a lot of fun asking (and bugging her) about different plants. So nice to meet you!

Other than thinking and preparing for surgery (get to that in a sec) we have been spending time with family and friends. Last Friday we spent out at the Cottonwood Golf Course with the Hart family. It was a great way to connect with the family and spend an afternoon – even if we did have to wait out a half hour storm in a shack. The following evening we spent at Kim & Corey’s engagement/house warming party. I love catching up with all the ladies; it’s a really great supportive group of people. Congrats guys! And 2 of those special ladies cooked up some frozen meals for AJ and I to help a little bit while I heal. You have no idea how much that means to us and how much that will help! Thank you so much!

So now let’s get on to the gross stuff. The surgery. For anyone that isn’t aware of the surgery I am receiving (I say that like I’m thankful HA) is a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with a latissimus dorsi flap on the right breast and immediate reconstruction (kind of).  So that’s a lot of words that don’t mean that much so I will break it down. The surgeons will start with removing both of my breast and all the breast tissue – I am doing this so I never have to deal with cancer again. Then the plastic surgeon will take a 15cm piece of muscle/skin from my latissimus dorsi and replace my damaged scar tissue from radiation on the right breast. After that’s all done then they will insert tissue expanders underneath the skin/muscle. All this is happening in one surgery so I will be under for about 4 hours and in recovery about 2.5 – 3 hours after. It will be a long (sore) day. But well worth it. After I heal from surgery I will visit my plastic surgeon every week or two to have saline inserted into the tissue expander until the size I’m happy with (taking opinions now!) is achieved and at that time the expanders will be replaced with real implants. So after all that being said it’s probably going to suck. The flap part of the surgery is considered a transplant so I will most likely be in the hospital for up to a week just to make sure my body accepts the new tissue (even though it is my tissue to begin with). But if I didn’t do it and got another cancer I would feel so stupid for having that chance to change my life and not taking it. And after everything I have gone through with the ones I have – I don’t like them anymore lol so time for a new pair!

Any who – that surgery is tomorrow (Aug 7) at 7:35am. We are supposed to be at the hospital at 5:30. So I will check back in with my blog probably in a couple weeks! Thanks again everyone for your support through everything.

Sun, Stampede and Pin Ups!

Oh sunshine! I am loving the weather (except at night) but finding it amusing the amount of complaining I am hearing from people. 

We truly are a species that is never entirely happy. We always think life could be better or is greener on the other side. I was watching my dog yesterday roll around in the grass and couldn’t help but notice no matter what the weather, no matter how he feels, he is always happy. He rolls around on rainy days, on sunny days and on snowy days. Every walk we go on is the best walk he has ever had. Humans though are so different and rate their happiness on things like the weather and traffic. We just finished complaining about the amount of rain we have had and spent our time wishing for hot weather. Now that the hot weather is here we complain and wish for rain! Instead of being happy and grateful that we get to experience these different temperatures and adventures based on them (skiing, rafting, golfing etc) we moan and complain. I’m not saying I don’t complain, just some food for thought for you next time you think we have it bad because it’s too warm.

Any who…I said I would fill everyone in on the Pink Ribbon Pin Up calendar I was involved in so I guess I better! The Prairies/NWT division of Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation has done this calendar for a few years and this year when they were looking for women to be in it I sent in my story and picture. I heard back a few weeks later and was invited to be part of this neat experience! Long story short they brought in wardrobe, hair and makeup from Toronto and prettied a bunch of us ladies up for a couple days in a row. I felt very glamorous! My shoot was the traditional pin up with a dog (I took Kali who is a natural) and we had so much fun! I met so many great women and got to sneak a peek at what my surgery looks like after the fact. A 26 year old that has had the same reconstruction done that I am having was kind enough to show me what I had to look forward too – and it wasn’t too bad! Anyways the calendar will be released at the survivor’s parade in September and be sold in Safeway. Keep your eyes open! We are November 2012.

So in case people don’t know AJ and I celebrated our first anniversary on July 2. Because it would only be fitting we spent the morning golfing together at Valley Ridge. I have so badly wanted to spend all summer golfing until surgery but unfortunately golf is not life L and I am a busy lady. We went for dinner on the Sunday at the in-laws (thanks for dinner!) and out for dinner on Sunday (thanks Mom & Pat!).

I suppose that is enough for now. I guess I should leave with one more rant (I started with one so it’s only fitting I end with one!) Ladies…the stampede is not an excuse to wear as little as possible. What happened to being classy and cute? It seems to just be a competition for shortest shirt and shorts. I know Mom…I used to wear short things but not THIS short.  It’s not very becoming and you will never find a good man like that. Anyways enjoying stampeding friends and be safe!

Ugh Radiation

So let me recap the last couple weeks then I can fill you in on my surgeon appointment….

Kali and I finally started at our new location – The Children’s Hospital. I guess last time I blogged I didn’t really explain what PALS is and perhaps you were wondering why are Ashley and her dog at the hospital….? Anyways PALS stands for Pet Access League Society. It’s a volunteer organization that has roughly 400 animals that visit different locations throughout the city bringing just a few minutes of happiness to people that may not be mobile or able to go visit their pets. Kali and I started in December/January at the Foothill’s Hospital transition unit. After having the same conversations every 2 weeks with the patients (a lot of dementia) I realized that Kali would have the time of her life with children. So I asked to be put on a waiting list because everyone wants to be at the Children’s and a month later there was an opening! After more security checks, orientations and screenings we got to start last week. It was amazing and she did so well! The kids loved her and loved playing with her ‘piggy’ tail.

Other than that I spent Father’s day morning at my Dad’s for brunch and then the in-laws came over for some basketball, croquet and dinner. The day was busy but it was nice to finally spend some time with family – we have been so busy and haven’t really been able to have the time we have wanted to. It’s a crazy summer (again) and can never seem to catch up.

I saw my surgeon on Monday to discuss my upcoming surgery (August 7^th – 6 weeks) and some side effects from radiation. I have come to learn that chemo sucks at the time but not to many long term side effects. Radiation is easy but has a lot of side effects that I have learned don’t always get better.  I started going back to the gym a couple months ago and started lifting weights. I started to get some lymphedema under my armpit and my ribs, shoulder and breast would get incredibly sore.  I thought lifting more weights and getting massages would help – boy was I wrong. I would get more swelling and more uncomfortable so I stopped. I finally asked the surgeon what this was about and it isn’t lymphedema – its muscle fibrosis and it probably won’t get better and could possibly just continue to get worse. Basically it is tons of scar tissue. The surgery will actually help a bit because they are replacing some of the scar tissue with healthy muscle. Anyways needless to say I wasn’t happy when I left his office.  

Stay tuned for the next blog...all about my weekend spent as a pin-up model…

Giving it a try

So since I stopped updating my previous caring bridges site I have finally realised I miss it. So I thought I would make a blog and give it a whirl. I didn't want to use my Caring Bridges blog anymore because I'm not fighting an illness - I'm living as a survivor.

So as you can imagine life has been life since I last logged off. I am enjoying my last 8 weeks with my breasts before they will be gone forever and never again be allowed to have the chance to try to kill me (woo hoo!). It's a bitter sweet countdown. I'm nervous how I will feel when I wake up with nothing there but I'm excited that I can take control of a mutation and make the decision that it will not get me again!

I have been involved with a lot of fund raising organisations and am super excited about whats to come!
I did an interview with the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation for a summer appeal for donations and in a couple weeks will do a photo shoot for a calender called the pink ribbon pin-ups! I haven't done a real photo shoot before but I think it will be really fun! It should be realised at the Survivor Parade at Banker's Hall in September...I will keep you in the loop!

For anyone that hasn't heard Kali and I have been transferred from the Foothills Hospital to the Children's Hospital. I am really excited - I think she will enjoy it a lot (and obviously so will I). So tomorrow I am going for my orientation at the hospital and then after a few more steps we can start visiting.

Anyways I'm signing off - time to go rest after a 12k walk with Mom today. Even though I am more than 6 months out of chemo and 4 months from radiation I still need my sleep. Recovery is a long process. Cross fingers for sunny weather this week and less rain!