Definition of Milestones- one of a series of numbered markers placed
along a road or boundary at intervals of one mile or occasionally, parts of a
mile.
I feel a bit like this is what my life has been since I was
first diagnosed in May 2011. Waiting for dates and markers that mean an end to
one step in my big journey. I still have those markers waiting for me to get to
them, although less intense now that I have finished my final(ish) surgery. But
I have been thinking about getting to this stage for a while – and it’s kind of
funny that I don’t feel “done” as everyone puts it. Granted I still have drains
hanging out of me and I am only 5 days out of surgery, but I don’t feel like
this chapter is closed and sealed never to be spoken about again. And before people feel bad or think I am
saying that because I am sad about it – I’m not. I have now learned a cancer
diagnosis and a BRCA1 diagnosis don’t have a finish stamp on them. It will
always be part of me and has made me who I am today. I really like who I have
turned into and I wouldn’t want to change that or ignore such big journeys in
my life that have got me here. The physical
chapter of cancer is done, yes, but the mental and me being forever changed is
not done. I will start new journeys in my life (hopefully this year ;)) but
this journey is one I am damn proud to have made it through. I love my scars
and learning to love my new body. They mean I went to war and won...and did a
damn good job of it. I really love understanding what life is about and how
much it means now. I am still on
medication to block cancer from returning and still have procedures and tests
and will continue for a long time so it’s still there in my mind.
Anyways…the reason I am talking about being at this ‘final’
milestone is because on Valentine ’s Day I welcomed 2 new additions to my life.
Yep – my permanent implants. I feel with that intro they deserve names! Seriously though, you would never see me on the
street and think ‘look at that girl and her fake boobs’. They are amazing! They
are so natural looking and shaped that I’m beginning to wonder if some women
look for implants that look fake and why they don’t all get these ones? So
these implants are silicone gel tear drop shape and pretty awesome. I have a
card that has more of the details (serial numbers, 555cc, high profile bla bla
bla) to carry in my wallet in case of emergencies? I actually have no idea why
they gave me a wallet card but I will carry it proudly! The surgery itself went pretty well. It was
scheduled late (compared to my previous) for 11:35am. So I didn’t have to be at
the hospital until 9:30 and couldn’t have anything to eat since 12am, I was
pretty hungry. Usually my Mom and hubby
go the hospital with me but my Mom was sick so the man was alone with me – and did
a pretty stellar job of looking after me I must say! The surgery started late
and was about 2.5 hours so I woke up about 3ish. I was doing pretty well for
about 10 minutes and the pain started to creep in. They gave me some morphine and
instantly my arm started to itch. I tried to ignore it (all drugs make your arm
feel weird going in) but after a minute or so I looked down and had huge red
welts all over my forearm and a red line up to my shoulder. Before anyone asks –
yes I have had morphine before. In fact I was on a morphine pump for 3 days
last surgery. They explained that it wasn’t an allergic reaction but some type
of mast cell reaction because it was administered to quickly for my body. So they
gave me a Benadryl injection which got rid of the intense itch and eventually
(a day later) the welts vanished. By 6pm
the same day that I went in I was discharged and on my way home. Everything has
been pretty great since then. I have taken Advil twice (hardly no pain) and
been pretty low key. Gone for a couple walks to Starbucks (like surgery would
stop me) and a family dinner out in Cochrane.
The only part that I haven’t enjoyed, like with all the other surgeries,
is my awesome drains. I have two in, one on each side. They just cause so much
of their own pain. Mostly right where they enter my body and are stitched in.
They are getting itchy and if the drain twists in any way they feel like they
are burning. So annoying. Because my
back wasn’t involved and this wasn’t a huge surgery I can have them taken out
in about a week (2 days from now.) The only catch is my doc can’t see my until
next week so she suggested my husband do it. I volunteered my friend Monica. So
on Thursday we will have a drains coming out party – I’m sure it will be fine
just like last time but I kind of feel bad I have to have a friend do it (for
anyone that doesn’t know Monica is a vet – she loves this stuff!) So that’s
where I am at. Enjoying my new and improved lady lumps and hanging with the
dogs.
With these new boobs all I have left is for the doc to make
some nipples and a little areola tattooing and they will be finished (I made
the mistake of looking up how the nipple is reconstructed on youtube, not cool.)
Unless something goes off awry they
should never need to be switched or changed. In 50 years I am going to have the
best boobs around. Back to the start of this post…this is what people say when
they celebrate that I am done. Yes I am officially done my surgeries (until the
ovaries need to come out in 6ish years.) No more chest slicing and dicing, no
more drains. I am pretty pumped about that.
Well that’s all the news I got for you. Hopefully because I
am off and have nothing else to do I can post more often.
