Sister...bonding?

Well, well it is almost half way through August. Where did summer go??!! The days are already noticeably shorter and kids are almost back in school. And we have been crazy busy!!

Since I last blogged I have dramatically increased the amount of dog training I have been doing. For anyone that didn’t know I am a certified dog trainer. I obtained my certificate Sept 2010 but didn’t do much with it at the beginning because of the wedding and then with all the upper body surgeries I have gone through (thanks “C”) I haven’t been able to do much work with dogs. In May – June (ish) I started to take on some clients – so much so that I have backed off work at the clinic by 2 days a month. I love training and problem solving and figuring out why dogs are acting the way they are and as long as the owner does the work it is very rewarding. 

We also have been doing tons of landscaping (mostly the hubby) and hanging out with family and friends. Basically we have been swamped. 

Anyways let’s get to the title of this blog…the information I am about to share with you I knew last time I blogged however it had to sink in for the person involved and she had to make some decisions. So unfortunately we have had some pretty shitty news. Let’s start with a little back story – I may have already shared this with you but just a quick refresh!

Because of my age when I was diagnosed (24 effing years old), the doctors recommended I be tested for the BRCA mutation. This mutation can give someone a huge increase in chance for a few cancers but mostly breast (60 – 80% chance) and ovarian (50 – 70% chance).  Only about 5% of breast cancers are related to a mutation – think about that number….1 in 9 women will get breast cancer. Only 5% are related. Pretty small chance that this was the reason I got breast cancer considering that number and the fact that no family (perhaps a great aunt back in the line) has ever had cancer – of any kind. There are a lot of women in my family and we would have thought it would have reared its ugly head if the mutation was floating around. So you can imagine how shocked and devastated I was to find out that I did, in fact, carry a BRCA1 mutation. This gave me an answer to the question – why me, but it made me so scared for the rest of my family. First we had to find out what parent the mutation was coming from. Now everyone thinks breast cancer is a woman thing – this is false. 1% of breast cancers occur in men – these men usually care a mutation. So it could have been either of my parents. And it was my Dad. He is the carrier (it comes from somewhere above him) and he had 50% chance of giving it to his children.  He has 3 children. Myself, my 17 year old brother and 19 year old sister. Something else you probably don’t know is 6 months after my diagnoses my brother was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He to (thankfully) is ok. But this leaves only 1 child untouched by this terrible disease. And so starts my story…

My sister decided she wanted to find out if she carried this mutation so she could make some decision about her future. She watched her 2 siblings go through the nasty, devastating treatment and decided she wanted to find out if she was at a great risk. It breaks my heart that in April her results came back, she is positive for the same mutation. My sister has a very high chance of developing cancer. And no one knows when. All we know is I got it at a unbelievable young age (most people with mutations still don’t develop it until 40ish) and our brother got cancer. So after a few months of meeting with surgeons, talking to me and the rest of her family that sometime probably within the next year she will lose her breasts. She doesn’t want to wait to get cancer but rather be pro-active and take her health in her hands. I can’t tell you how much it hurts to know she has to go through this at 19 years old. Think of where you were when you were 19. You weren’t getting ready to lose your boobs.  It was an easy decision for me because I had cancer, I wasn’t naive anymore, I knew it could happen to me. She is one of the strongest women I know. At a young age like that making a decision that will change her life forever but it will give her some peace. It sucks knowing you have ticking time bombs on your chest. 

So please keep her in your thoughts as she begins her journey. It will be hard and emotional but she will live a long, healthy life without being scared every 6 months for a test to look for cancer. I will be there for her as much as I can and we will definitely bond over this shitty gene we share.  Love you sis.

Work and Play (and some thoughts about Angelina)

I can’t believe how long it has been since I last blogged. I have been neglecting my duties of keeping up my health status and thoughts about random things and pink things.  I just read my last post that said something along the lines of “because I am off of work for a bit hopefully I can post more.” Ha. 

So 2 weeks after surgery hubby and I decided to jet off to Palm Springs for a little rest and relaxation…and shopping obviously! Surgeon didn’t have a problem with us going and we had a great time. The 2^nd or 3^rd day there I may have did a little too much trying on clothes (tops to be specific) and made my pec a little sore. Then I decided to try my luck at a little swimming – which further hurt my chest and then resulted in some soreness that didn’t go away until I was back at work.  But I think no pain – no gain!

A lot of people think I’m a bit of a sissy and can’t handle much (yes I run screaming for my life and using anything in my hands to swat that harmless bumble bee that went by me) but I like to think I am a pretty resilient person. I have spoken to a lot of survivors and learned that we all have our own pain and hang ups (for lack of a better term) from treatment. I sometimes feel like something that sets me apart is that I don’t let pain stop me. For example – the majority of survivors that I know won’t sleep on their chests because of the pain it still continues to cause them (months out of surgery.) A week after this most recent surgery I was back on my chest – not the most comfortable thing but this breast cancer business is not getting in between me and my sleep. And gradually with laying on my chest the pain has disappeared. I really believe that you have to go through a bit of pain to come out better on the other side.  Same thing kind of relates to my job – yea it hurts going back every time after surgery – but working at a vet clinic what other choice do I have but to jump in and just do it? 

So what have I been doing since we got back from Palm Springs…well I am obviously back at work (have been for a couple months) – but there is nothing exciting about that. We have got together with a couple survivors over the last few months for dinner and to talk about the after cancer life. I can’t imagine being that table beside 2 girls in their 20’s talking about their breast cancer experience, lack of nipples and the excitement of good areola tattooing. How awkward would that be! But when you are in it you can’t help but to compare the girls, talk about the bad and the future. It really is a great time – no tears just so much laughing. Although living through cancer sucks the after is pretty cool. The support system from you peers that have gone through it is something nothing can compare to and you can’t explain until you are in it. You know the others fears and hopes without them saying it. And they know yours. 

I FINALLY had that stupid MRI that had to be rebooked. This time I didn’t go get the ultrasound guided iv catheter and I didn’t take Ativan. I had already given up a day for this dumb test I wasn’t going to try my hardest not to waste another one.  My wonderful husband lay in the room with me while I had the scan (a pelvic MRI is 100x easier than a breast MRI), rubbed my head and played with a staple. Apparently it was stuck to the side of the machine and he would take it off and see where it went next – how exciting this was for him! Anyways, they were looking at a cyst I had on my ovary for several months that wasn’t resolving (cysts are pretty normal on ovaries but usually they shrink/pop). In between the failed MRI and this one I felt the cyst pop and I knew it was gone. I tried to tell them that so they didn’t waste their time but they wanted to go ahead with the scan anyways – and I passed.

I have also been crazy busy lately doing in house dog training. I completed a course through a school in the states about 2.5 years ago but haven’t really had the chance to use what I learned through that and through experience at the clinic. So I decided recently to post a kijiji add and see what happened! I have had amazing response from the add and I am pretty excited to see where it takes me. I am learning what areas specifically in dog training I enjoy the best and it is behaviour problems around anxiety – such as destruction and separation issues. That pretty much sums up our crazy life!

I guess all that is left to talk about is this Angelina Jolie business. I have a lot of people asking me lately what I think of what she did and what the media is doing with it. I think awareness wise – it’s great! Not enough people understand the consequences of being diagnosed with a BRCA mutation.  People sit back and make judgements about ‘how could you do that surgery’ or ‘why don’t you just get screened’ and it’s not that easy. A lot of people don’t understand that the younger you are – the more aggressive your cancer is. They don’t understand that until a later age young woman aren’t even told to do breast exams! I think making a decision, such as a bilateral mastectomy, is something only brave and selfless woman could make.  Angelina lost her Mom at a very young age and didn’t want to leave her family over something that can be prevented. I want to be able to have children and don’t want to constantly feel my breasts wondering is that a lump? They aren’t a vital enough organ for BRCA mutation carriers to take that chance – or have to. Now… what do I think of what the media is doing with this information. After about 5 minutes of hearing about it I got a little tired of it. I guess it isn’t news to me that this mutation exists and I have all the info I need about it. But I wonder is the media downplaying the people that have had cancer? Let’s list the ones I know about and I bet you will be surprised

-        -  Cynthia Nixon (Sex & the City)

-         - Kylie Minogue

-          -Christina Applegate (also a BRCA carrier)

-          -Melissa Etheridge

-          -Olivia Newton –John

-          -Sheryl Crow

-          -Bif Naked

-          -Sharon Osbourne (also a BRCA carrier, had colon cancer not breast, had a double mastectomy)

I have barely touched on all the famous people that have had breast cancer. Yet I bet you couldn’t tell me one of their stories?  This is what I find extremely frustrating about Angelina Jolie’s story. Yes she had major surgery, yes it’s scary for her, but she didn’t go through chemo, auxiliary node dissections, radiation and a life time of scans to see if her cancer will come back and kill her.  We should be profiling Olivia Newton-John who 20 years (!!!!) ago fought and won breast cancer. Ask her how her muscles feel after radiation; ask her if she still feels like a woman and how she kept her femininity when at a young age she went through chemo induced menopause (assuming she went through chemo).  I just don’t like to see someone who has had preventive surgery take the spot light from women who have fought their hardest to stay alive. Most of these woman have won but a lot of have not. Let’s not forget about them.

Milestones

Definition of Milestones- one of a series of numbered markers placed along a road or boundary at intervals of one mile or occasionally, parts of a mile.

I feel a bit like this is what my life has been since I was first diagnosed in May 2011. Waiting for dates and markers that mean an end to one step in my big journey. I still have those markers waiting for me to get to them, although less intense now that I have finished my final(ish) surgery. But I have been thinking about getting to this stage for a while – and it’s kind of funny that I don’t feel “done” as everyone puts it. Granted I still have drains hanging out of me and I am only 5 days out of surgery, but I don’t feel like this chapter is closed and sealed never to be spoken about again.  And before people feel bad or think I am saying that because I am sad about it – I’m not. I have now learned a cancer diagnosis and a BRCA1 diagnosis don’t have a finish stamp on them. It will always be part of me and has made me who I am today. I really like who I have turned into and I wouldn’t want to change that or ignore such big journeys in my life that have got me here.  The physical chapter of cancer is done, yes, but the mental and me being forever changed is not done. I will start new journeys in my life (hopefully this year ;)) but this journey is one I am damn proud to have made it through. I love my scars and learning to love my new body. They mean I went to war and won...and did a damn good job of it. I really love understanding what life is about and how much it means now.  I am still on medication to block cancer from returning and still have procedures and tests and will continue for a long time so it’s still there in my mind. 

Anyways…the reason I am talking about being at this ‘final’ milestone is because on Valentine ’s Day I welcomed 2 new additions to my life. Yep – my permanent implants. I feel with that intro they deserve names!  Seriously though, you would never see me on the street and think ‘look at that girl and her fake boobs’. They are amazing! They are so natural looking and shaped that I’m beginning to wonder if some women look for implants that look fake and why they don’t all get these ones? So these implants are silicone gel tear drop shape and pretty awesome. I have a card that has more of the details (serial numbers, 555cc, high profile bla bla bla) to carry in my wallet in case of emergencies? I actually have no idea why they gave me a wallet card but I will carry it proudly!  The surgery itself went pretty well. It was scheduled late (compared to my previous) for 11:35am. So I didn’t have to be at the hospital until 9:30 and couldn’t have anything to eat since 12am, I was pretty hungry.  Usually my Mom and hubby go the hospital with me but my Mom was sick so the man was alone with me – and did a pretty stellar job of looking after me I must say! The surgery started late and was about 2.5 hours so I woke up about 3ish. I was doing pretty well for about 10 minutes and the pain started to creep in. They gave me some morphine and instantly my arm started to itch. I tried to ignore it (all drugs make your arm feel weird going in) but after a minute or so I looked down and had huge red welts all over my forearm and a red line up to my shoulder. Before anyone asks – yes I have had morphine before. In fact I was on a morphine pump for 3 days last surgery. They explained that it wasn’t an allergic reaction but some type of mast cell reaction because it was administered to quickly for my body. So they gave me a Benadryl injection which got rid of the intense itch and eventually (a day later) the welts vanished.  By 6pm the same day that I went in I was discharged and on my way home. Everything has been pretty great since then. I have taken Advil twice (hardly no pain) and been pretty low key. Gone for a couple walks to Starbucks (like surgery would stop me) and a family dinner out in Cochrane.  The only part that I haven’t enjoyed, like with all the other surgeries, is my awesome drains. I have two in, one on each side. They just cause so much of their own pain. Mostly right where they enter my body and are stitched in. They are getting itchy and if the drain twists in any way they feel like they are burning. So annoying.  Because my back wasn’t involved and this wasn’t a huge surgery I can have them taken out in about a week (2 days from now.) The only catch is my doc can’t see my until next week so she suggested my husband do it. I volunteered my friend Monica. So on Thursday we will have a drains coming out party – I’m sure it will be fine just like last time but I kind of feel bad I have to have a friend do it (for anyone that doesn’t know Monica is a vet – she loves this stuff!) So that’s where I am at. Enjoying my new and improved lady lumps and hanging with the dogs. 

With these new boobs all I have left is for the doc to make some nipples and a little areola tattooing and they will be finished (I made the mistake of looking up how the nipple is reconstructed on youtube, not cool.)  Unless something goes off awry they should never need to be switched or changed. In 50 years I am going to have the best boobs around. Back to the start of this post…this is what people say when they celebrate that I am done. Yes I am officially done my surgeries (until the ovaries need to come out in 6ish years.) No more chest slicing and dicing, no more drains. I am pretty pumped about that.

Well that’s all the news I got for you. Hopefully because I am off and have nothing else to do I can post more often.

Happy New Year!

Well well well. 2013. How did you creep on us? And then go so fast…the first week of the New Year is almost over. Life after the crazy holidays is back to normal and routines are starting back up.

I haven’t blogged in a while and it’s mostly because I haven’t had much of anything interesting to say! I was busy working and getting ready for the holidays and hubby and I were trying to finish up something pretty special that eventually we will be able to share with you!

So since my last fill, the I talked about my pain has got a little better, but I still feel pretty useless with these expanders. I want them out – now. I had tried back in late November, early December to continue working out at the gym and lifting weights. This was all fine and dandy until one morning in my shower after a workout I looked down and realized I had bruised and ruptured a bunch of mini capillaries on my right side. It is right along the scar and looked a lot like older ladies legs when they get thin skinned and veiny. I was really worried I had done some harm but after talking to my doctor I felt a little better. Because of the radiation my skin is super unhealthy and doesn’t stretch well etc. So it must have been at its limit and when I lifted weights my pec/lat muscle on the front probably puffed up a bit and caused it to tear a little bit. So I have been told not to lift weights (seriously – if it wasn’t for the extra weight I am still trying to get off I would be pretty happy being told not to work out hard ;)) and take it easy until surgery. Well I am sick of taking it easy and sick of watching out for these stupid things. I can’t do up certain jackets and sweaters because of the ridiculous size (the actual size I want is not nearly as big), I worry about over exerting the area because I might damage it. And god forbids I fell on them – can you imagine!? I would either bounce super hard or pop one – probably would be hilarious and not so much fun at the same time.  So when is surgery you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA. I am getting anxious with how long it is taking them to book this one. After my initial surgery they jumped on board and scheduled the next right away – I cancelled it because of multiple reasons and now they haven’t rescheduled. I have called her nurse assistant lady (multiple times) and politely asked if it has been booked yet. Last time she said something about booking emergencies right now bla bla bla. Well this is an emergency! Not really but come on! I can’t wear anything with horizontal stripes (makes the lopsidedness very noticeable), can’t do anything at the gym and can’t feel comfortable! Work would like to know because my shifts would have to be covered and I want time before the summer for the new ones to heal.  And I feel like everything I book right now is tentative because it was supposed to be in January. So who knows? I will give her another week to get over the holidays and call again. I get they have emergencies but they also have to do regular surgeries to! I have never looked forward to a surgery so much before…

So remember that black cloud we were talking about…the whole family not getting cancer business? Well my 17 year old half-brother on my Dad’s side (Will) was originally diagnosed with testicular cancer December 2011 (or close to there anyways). He had surgery and then every 6 months CT scans for check-ups. Well his last check-up in early December didn’t come back with good news. The cancer had made its way into a lymph node in the stomach area and needed chemotherapy. So he has since started and will continue for the next 7 weeks or so. The good news is even when it the cancer has moved around it is still a 90% cure rate! 

Moving on from all that cancer stuff though (have to get it out of the way)…hubby and I had a great Christmas! His grandparents came in from B.C. and we haven’t seen them since our wedding. It was wonderful to have them in town to share the holidays with.  We also hung out a bit with my family although just immediate. Unfortunately my Nana (great grandma) needed to have a hip replacement over the holidays in Edmonton and because of the nasty cold weather we had here we couldn’t make it to visit her. But all is well now and she is back home and feeling great!

I am excited that I have no treatment this year. I am still on my Tamoxifen and have my reconstruction surgery to do but I have no radiation or chemo or any of that crap I dealt with the last two years. This year (again after surgery) is for me. It’s time to start having fun again and enjoy the remaining years of my 20s. They are passing me by so quick and I spent enough of them for crappy things. One last thing about the Tamoxifen – about a week ago I started my second year! 1 down…4 more to go. Went pretty quickly and 4 years doesn’t seem that long now!

Anywho...hope everyone has a happy and healthy 2013 and gets everything they want out of it!