I feel like I haven’t been doing too much since my last post. I
guess working full time will do that to you.
AJ and I spent a great thanksgiving weekend with some family and
friends. The Friday night we went to see the new Mormon temple in town (yep
that’s our Friday night) with our friends. I learned a lot about the religion
and it was great to see a beautiful temple. Once the ‘open house’ period is
done at the temple the public is never allowed in again. I’m really glad we got
to go and experience something that could really be once in a lifetime.
Unfortunately we were a little underdressed….wearing jeans and yoga pants while
everyone else wearing dress clothes was slightly embarrassing. Saturday night
we had dinner at my Mom’s house (yum!!) and Sunday dinner at a friend’s. Great
weekend, nice and relaxing.
I finally saw my surgeon on Thursday for an expansion. I was
supposed to go last week but they pushed me back, so it ended up being 3 weeks
in between expansions instead of 2. I thought this visit was going to be normal
but I will get back into that in a sec. So I have finally reached my size I
think. 550ml in each expander. It’s not very comfortable right now but I think
this is the closest to my natural size and what I will be happiest with.
Left Right
240ml 180ml < additional 60ml
at first check up
300ml 270ml < Additional 60ml
in left and 90ml in the right
360ml 360ml < Additional 60ml
in the left and 90ml in the right
450ml 450ml <additional 90ml in both
550 ml 550
ml < additional 100ml in both
I will have one more expansion to make the skin and tissue more
pliable for the permanent implants. After that I guess it’s a waiting game
until January for my replacement surgery.
So back to the scare…I have been having some pain in the lower
right abdomen area. I assumed it was muscle pain (my back has been healing and
getting tighter) but it has been lingering for 2 weeks. Anyone that has been
through cancer knows that if it hurts after 2 weeks – see a doctor. I decided I
should tell my surgeon. She felt around my stomach and right below my ribs
stopped and asked if it hurt. I said no so she asked me are you a big drinker?
Anyone that knows me knows I don’t drink anything. I knew right away she was
asking me about my liver. For anyone that is wondering why we would worry about
my liver it’s because breast cancer can metastasize to 4 places usually. Brain,
lungs, bones and liver. She then explained that she could feel it and in most
people you can’t. She wanted to do blood work, chest x-ray and ultrasound ASAP.
My heart sunk. I felt like there is no way this is happening again. I have
taken my medication every day religiously and went through all the
precautionary steps. I was terrified – I know that metastatic breast cancer
means treatment to extend the quality of life not the length of your life. I am
not ready. I have so many plans and so many years to live, this was not ok. So
she had her reception set up a time for x-ray and ultrasound – the next
morning. She said that she didn’t think it was anything but muscle pain but
because she was a cancer doctor and my liver was bigger than a normal person it
needed to be looked into. I have been told before by doctors that it wasn’t
anything and not to worry…
AJ and I went to have my blood work done right away. The labs at
the hospital are amazing and I highly recommend if anyone needs blood work – go
there. When we got there they didn’t have one person waiting. It was great. On
the requisition she had hepatitis checked off – at this point I was praying
that’s what it was. That night we went to my Mom’s for dinner and to hang out.
It was pretty emotional for me. I was going through a lot of emotions like I’m
not ready to die and I just want the chance to be a Mom. These are things most
people my age take for granted. I don’t. I cherish what my future holds and I
want it so badly.
Anyways the next morning (after not sleeping at all) we headed to
the ultrasound/x-ray place. I was pretty emotional because this could be the
start of a downhill slide. I was lying on the table while the sonographer
looked at my abdomen and I started crying. I was so nervous and I knew I had to
wait all weekend (it was a Friday) before I would know. The girl that was doing my ultrasound felt
bad for me I think and we had been having good conversations about fertility
etc. She said “at this point, unofficially, I don’t see anything bad in your
liver.” Finally I could take a little breath of relief. It didn’t mean it was all
ok but it good to hear. She finished up and said I am going to talk to the
doctor that looks at the pictures and see if he can come in and give you the
results so you don’t have to be a ball of nerves all weekend. This was exactly
what I needed. Thank goodness I got an amazing person doing my testing. The
doctor came in 10 minutes later and said all was clear. He saw nothing on my
ultrasound of concern. I started crying (again) and said thank you so much. I
had been so worried and anxious that when he said it all I could do was cry
happy tears.
I felt like I was given
permission to live again. That sounds silly but when my doctor said your liver
is big all I could think was I should stop making plans, I might have to go off
work again etc. I felt like everything had to go on hold until I had my
results. Now that I had some of them I could continue on with my life and my
plans. I realize that I didn’t have my chest x-rays and blood work but I felt
like the most dangerous thing was out of the way.
While at work today AJ got a call from my surgeon saying
everything was great. My blood work, x-rays and ultrasound were all normal. Woo
hoo!! Load off my shoulders. Like I said in my previous paragraph, permission
to resume regular life. I thought it was pretty nice that my surgeon called my
house on a Saturday, most people can’t even get a phone call for good blood
work results from their family doctor on a weekday. Seriously – if anyone ever
needs an oncologist/plastic surgeon let me know. She is great at what she does
and amazing bed side manner.
Anyways after my first real scare since my initial diagnoses I’m
feeling pretty upbeat and positive. I think we are going to have a yummy pizza
tonight and celebrate. I just want to say one thing (I’m sure I say it all the
time). Enjoy your life and your blessings. I see so many people complaining
about their children or why they have it bad – and it might be a tough day but
the blessings you have are amazing. Think, one day you could go in for an
ultrasound and it could all change….
